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Dear Frum Zoo

March 7, 2019 jent

אמרו חז"ל קנה לך חבר אז כתבתי לגן החיים Chazal said (Avot 1:6) Acquire yourself a friend. So I wrote to the zoo to send me a pet.

שלחו לי פיל אבל הוא אסור גמור שנא' (שמואל א ג:יט) וה' היה עמו ולא הפיל אז החזרתי אותו They sent me an elephant. But he was too assur. As it is said (1 Shmuel 3:19) "And God shall be with you, and not the elephant." So I sent him back.

שלחו לי ג'ירפה הוא גבוה מדי שנא' (תהלים י:ד) רשע כגבה אפו אז החזרתי אותותו They sent me a giraffe. But he was too tall. As it is said (Psalms 10:4), He is as wicked as his nose is high. So I sent him back.

שלחו לי אריה גם הוא אסור גמור שנאמר (ישעיהו לה:ט) לא יהיה שם אריה אז החזרתי אתו They sent me a lion. But he was too assur as well. As it is said (Isiaiah 35:9), There shall be no lion there. So I sent him back.

שלחו לי גמל הוא רע מדי שנא' (תהלים קג:י) כעונתינו גמל עלינו אז החזרתי אותו They sent me a camel. But he was too sinful. As it is said (Psalms 103:10) The camel shall be unto us as our sins. So I sent him back.

שלחו לי נחש הוא ערום מדי שנא' (ברא' ג:א) והנחש היה ערום מכל חית השדה אז החזרתי אותו They sent me a snake. But he was too cunning. As it is said (Genesis 3:1) The snake was more cunning than all the beasts of the field. So I sent him back.

שלחו לי קוף הוא כופר מדי שנא' (משלי ו:לה) לא ישא פני כל כפר אז החזרתי אותו They sent me a monkey. But he was too naughty. As it is said, (Proverbs 6:35), Do not give countenance to naughty ones. So I sent him back.

שלחו לי צפרדע הוא שורץ מדי שנא' (שמות ז:כח) ושרץ היאר צפרדעים אז החזרתי אותו They sent me a frog. But he was too jumpy. As it is said (Exodus 7:28), And the frogs jumped all up in the Nile. So I sent him back.

שלחו לי כלב והוא טוב מאד שנא' (יחזקאל כח:ב) ותתן לבך כלב אלהים אז שמרתי אותו They sent me a puppy. And he was perfect. As it is said (Ezekiel 28:2) Your heart shall be given a godly dog. So I kept him.

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